Politician Jokes

In this blog I’ve brought together some of the jokes about politicians that I’ve collected over the years. Just like Will Rogers, in my writings I don’t make jokes about politicians, I just watch them and report the facts. So I really shouldn’t be asking for more political jokes, I’ve seen too many of them get elected. However, if you have any more please let me know.

You just can’t win these days. Do something wrong and you get fined; do something right and you get taxed. You work six months a year for the government. Even government employees don’t work that much.

Nothing is certain except death and taxes. Only death isn’t an annual event, and governments can’t make death any worse than it is. Democracy is four wolves and a lamb voting on supper. Taxation without representation may be tyranny, but it’s a lot cheaper than the alternative. That’s why I don’t vote for someone, I vote against the rest. If you’ve half a mind to read their manifestos, that’s all you’ll need. Although, if voting could change anything, it would be made illegal.

There is only one way to look at a politician, and that’s down. You can always tell when a politician’s is lying: his lips are moving. A politician will double-cross a bridge when he comes to it, so that he will always be there when he needs you.

Criminals take the money and run. Politicians run and take the money. Parliament is like a bunch of bananas; not a straight one among them. I’ve got a lot of friends in politics. They’re the best money can buy. That’s not strictly true. There are some honest politicians. They are the ones who, once bought, stay bought. It’s a shame how the 99% give the 1% a bad name.

So please send me any new jokes. I’ve had to shelve quite a few since John Prescott is no longer Deputy Prime Minister: How do you recognize John Prescott’s PC? It’s the one with Tippex on the screen.

Then there are the oldies but goldies;
A surgeon, a gardener, and a politician were walking down the street when they saw a ‘lady of ill repute’. The surgeon said “of course, surgery is the oldest profession. Surgical skill was needed to remove Adam’s rib in order to create Eve.” The second quipped “and where did the Garden of Eden come from? Only a gardener could make order out of the chaos.” “And who do you think created the chaos?” said the politician.